The Quiet Strength of Vulnerability

I often talk to my clients about vulnerability — that feeling we instinctively move away from. Many of us don’t even recognise it for what it is; we just know it doesn’t feel good.

I first became aware of vulnerability after stumbling across a TED Talk by Brené Brown. I was struck by her openness and honesty in how she approached the subject. One of her quotes has always stayed with me:

“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.”

It got me thinking — what does it really mean to show up, and why does that require courage?

So what exactly is vulnerability?

“Vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.”

It’s the feeling that comes with emotional exposure — those moments when we are open, uncertain, and aware that something meaningful is at stake. Because without meaning, there is nothing to feel vulnerable about.

If you pause for a moment, you’ll likely recognise it in your own life:

Speaking in a meeting and wondering if what you have to say is good enough
Telling someone you need them and asking for reassurance
Setting a boundary and risking confrontation
Missing someone and allowing yourself to feel it fully
Walking into a room where you don’t know anybody
Letting someone see parts of you you usually keep hidden — your fears, insecurities, or past experiences

It can feel uncomfortable, even unsafe at times, and our instinct is often to sidestep it — to distract ourselves, minimise it, or tell ourselves to “pull it together.”

And yet, vulnerability is part of being human.

We all experience it in moments of change, uncertainty, loss, and connection. But somewhere along the way, many of us learn that vulnerability is something to avoid — a sign of weakness, or something to manage quietly on our own. Over time, what we push away can begin to show up in other ways, such as anxiety, low mood, or unhealthy coping patterns.

But what if that isn’t the full story?

What if vulnerability is not a weakness, but the place where strength begins?

When we allow ourselves to lean into it, gently — we create space to acknowledge how we truly feel, without rushing to fix or silence it. We begin to understand ourselves more deeply and respond, rather than react. Sometimes we do this with people we trust; sometimes we simply learn to sit with it ourselves.

As I often say to my clients, every time we avoid vulnerability, we send ourselves a clear message: “I can’t cope with these feelings.”

That may feel true at first. But with practice, something begins to shift.

When we stay with ourselves — with patience, softness, and curiosity — we build resilience. The message slowly becomes:

“This is hard, but I can stay with myself through it.”

So the next time you notice yourself pulling away from a feeling or telling yourself you’re fine when you’re not, try pausing — just for a moment.

Instead of asking, “How do I get away from this?” you might ask:

“What is this feeling trying to show me?”

Because when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we don’t just deepen our relationship with ourselves — we quietly give others permission to do the same.