Thoughts with Tina - beyond the therapy room

Why do we see ourselves in other people?  Exploring the world of projections.   Can you think of a time where you found yourself feeling really irritated by someone else, only to wonder why their behaviour affected you so much? Or another situation where you met somebody who you really admired – leaving you wishing you were more like them? These feelings are less about the other person and more about reflections on how you feel about yourself. As humans, we experience others through a lens of our own experiences.  This includes our beliefs, fears, hopes and unresolved emotions.  I always say we don’t experience the world as it is but as we are.   One of the ways in which this happens is through a process called projection.  Projection is an unconscious defence mechanism, where we attribute our thoughts, feelings or qualities, that we struggle to recognise in ourselves – to somebody else.  These projections can have a big impact on h...

What Is a Trigger? ‘I remember my friend trying to talk to me about something quite small, but as soon as they started, I could feel myself getting tense. It was like I’d already decided they were criticising me, even though they weren’t. I stopped really listening and felt this rush of anger come up. My tone changed, I became defensive, and before I knew it, I’d snapped at them and said some awful things. Afterwards, I knew my reaction didn’t match what had actually happened, but in the moment, it felt completely real and justified. Why does this happen?’ (Client) This is something that can happen often, and it can leave us feeling shame, confusion, and upset. So why does this happen? It may be that you have been triggered. A trigger is anything that brings up a strong emotional reaction—often quickly and sometimes unexpectedly. It can be a situation, a tone of voice, a memory, or even a look from somebody. In the example above, the trigger was receiving feedback that felt like an att...

The Quiet Strength of Vulnerability I often talk to my clients about vulnerability — that feeling we instinctively move away from. Many of us don’t even recognise it for what it is; we just know it doesn’t feel good. I first became aware of vulnerability after stumbling across a TED Talk by Brené Brown. I was struck by her openness and honesty in how she approached the subject. One of her quotes has always stayed with me: “Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” It got me thinking — what does it really mean to show up, and why does that require courage? So what exactly is vulnerability? “Vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” It’s the feeling that comes with emotional exposure — those moments when we are open, uncertain, and aware that something meaningful is at stake. Because without meaning, there is nothing to feel vulnerable about. If you pause for ...